The Fear / Lilianne Ruíz
Lilianne Ruíz, Translator: Unstated
I would so much like to give us the freedom to speak without fear. To
converse without fear of the State. Without fear of the political power.
My friend Martha was worried for me. Not so much for having a blog from
Cuba because she didn't know what that was, but knowing that I don't
have a job. We were walking down the hill of Kholy Avenue, the
magnificent houses where parked cars were waiting outside with
olive-green plates.
Every so often Martha ordered me to shut up, when I was trying to
explain to her that we must continue to believe in rights, freedom,
truth. To reassure her with some possible version of my life so that she
wouldn't try to give me something from her almost empty wallet, with her
70 and a bit years, worried about how I'm going to get a job; without
understanding that I'm not going to go back to looking for work from the
totalitarian State.
As she is an intelligent woman I expressed my thoughts to her without
upsetting the peace required by her conscience as a grandmother, so that
she would understand the attitude of "what can you do to change that?"
is not valid for me.
It makes me want to cry because in Cuba I don't know if we're all
paranoid that we think there are microphones everywhere recording the
moments when we dare to be true to ourselves, or if we are wrong when we
don't take into account all the evil that could be lurking. I have
finished this matter calming myself, giving it all to God.
Meanwhile, the reality is two women simply walking, talking of their
mutual concerns, not having any apparently great secrets. Or just one
secret, the same one every Cuban has: the powerful desire of our soul to
free itself from fear and oppression. If we didn't continue to keep "the
secret," the human beast made up of millions of souls who live and act
contrary to their own selves, would crumble.
I want to shed all these terrors from above. I know that every time I am
going to involve myself more in the pursuit of our freedom, because to
the extent that I seek God by faith I am shedding the fear.
May 4 2012
http://translatingcuba.com/?p=18174
